“Good sex is about being able to play again, be silly, get messy,” says Jacobs. The sexual act is one of the few moments where you let go of your inhibitions so it’s a vulnerable place to put yourself.” Kink. “The more you trust your partner, the more able you are to be fully yourself. “Trust is so important when it comes to sex,” says the psychotherapist Simon Jacobs. “When you can finally put all those worries aside, you’re free to focus on enjoying yourself,” says Demontis. In a marriage or a long-term, committed relationship, those pressures lift and hopefully you’ve got your contraception sorted out too.
“For women especially, if you’re distracted, if you can’t relax, it’s hard to enjoy sexual pleasure and experience orgasm,” says the clinical sexologist and relationship coach Uta Demontis. Does she really like me? Is he weird? When was my last wax? Which pants am I wearing ? Sex outside committed relationships can come with a heap of anxieties and there is no greater turn-off than anxiety. In a long-term relationship, the pressure lifts. “If it’s a good one, that means really communicating and exploring, finding more pleasure and going deeper,” says Lousada. All your insecurities and vulnerabilities will come to the surface in a long-term relationship. At the same time, there’s no hiding any more. In long-term relationships, that thrill diminishes (you’re waking up next to each other day in, day out) so couples have to replace it with something else. You don’t learn much – the charge is the thrill of the unknown. ‘I’m here for a few hours, I’ve got five good moves and here they are!’”
“You show the ‘edited highlights’ and you go away at the end not knowing for sure what your partner experienced. “In a one-night stand, in short-term relationships, sex can be more of a ‘performance,’” says Mike Lousada, a psychosexual therapist. In fact, the award-winning, much-celebrated sex guide Enduring Desire (by marital and sex therapists Michael Metz and Barry McCarthy) points to research that found that the best sex occurs in couples who have been together for 15 years or longer! This may come as a surprise but it takes years to get really good at sex.
0 kommentar(er)
